me and myself

THE BATTLE WITH DESTINY

2008-01-08T09:19:00.000-08:00

CAT results are out.8th January 2008 could have been the most awaited day of my life but GOD had a different plan for me.

Today when the results are out I dont have the guts to check it even.

Dreams unrealized,prayers unanswered.Destiny has fucked off my dreams and I see them shattered.........lying all around me........being treaded by situations.

WHY ME GOD???

18.10.07

The reverse countdown has begun.30 days more for CAT.......the exam I have been waiting for....the exam for which I left my job.....the exam which could either make or break me.

Well.....preparations have gained momentum with the last hour revision and brush-up.I am planning to start with the mock-CATS within a day or two.

Today is Mahasaptami.

The celebrations have started.My mom is all ready to go to the pandal to offer the puja.I decided not to go to the pandal as I have to complete a section-test of Quant.Mom kept on insisitng but I told her that Maa Durga would be a lot more happier to see me put all my efforts for the exams.I promised mom to accompany her on the next day.Mom went and I immersed myself into the world of numbers,geometry,algebra.

19.10.07

Today is Maha-Ashtami.

As promised to mom I will have to accompany her to the pandal in the evening so I decided to complete the RC and Verbal lessons in the first half.So did I.

In the evening I went to the pandal and had a blast.After praying to Godess Durga we chilled out.Memories were refreshed as we strolled around our locality mandir.Thoroughly enjoyed the evening.Thanks to mom for forcing me to go to the pandal.

After the fresh lease of life that I had by visiting the pandal I was back to my studies.Gosh this routine padhai-sharai has started taking a toll on me.But then I thought to myself.Just a few days more Rumi.This way my preparations continued.

24.10.07

23 days to CAT.

The day started as usual with RC and Verbal in the first half.Today I had decided to take section tests of Quant,LR and DI each.The time after 10:30 pm has been kept for analysis.Things were moving quite nicely.

Its 9 o'clock in the night and I was through with the section-test.Quite satisfied with Quant and LR......though DI has to be taken a bit more seriously.Well,I thought of taking a break and went to kitchen to have a word with mom.She was busy preparing dinner and I started chatting with her.After disturbing her for a while instead of lending a helping hand I came out of the kitchen and at the kitchen door somehow slipped and fell down.The moment I fell I felt an excrutiating pain in my right arm.My mom cam running and so did my younger brother.They tried to help me get up but the pain was unbearable and I couldnt even move.After a while,when I somehow got up with my brother's help my right arm was worse.......Swollen to double its size.The first thing that came to my mind amidst that pain was that I wont be able to take the exam anymore.

25.10.07

The countdown has suddenly stopped.

Last night was the longest night of my life.My arm was somehow wrapped with a crepe bandage and few doses of pain-killers and tranqulizers were given so that I could sleep.Today came the X-Ray report.Yes........A fracture at the elbow......a plaster for at least 2 months.......could extend to 3 months if required........The reverse countdown chart in my room with 18th Nov boldly marked as D-day mockingly stared at me.'What cruel game is this' I asked God.

27.10.07

Got my hand plastered.Decided to take CAT with this broken arm.Unable to hold the pencil.Still promised myself that I would keep trying.Doctor adviced not to move the hand.

17.11.07

Not even 24-hrs to CAT.

I have decided to take the test.

18.11.07----------------THE D-DAY

So the day has finally arrived.I went to take the test.Had a lot of problem in positioning my hand on the desk with the heavy plaster on it.Still kept trying.Started off with English section.Found it ok.Attempted quite a lot of question as VA doesnt require you to do any writing.

Then moved to Quant.This was a challange for me.I tried solving the the problems but had trouble with the pencil.I started scribbling somehow on the paper solving the questions slowly and kept losing time.Still managed to solve a few of them.By the time my hand started paining badly and my speed furthur reduced.As only half an hour was left I checked out the DI section,It was comprehensive calculation based.I couldnot do anything in that section.Although the questions were easy my hand gave up and so did the time limit.In one word the exam was a DISASTER.

I wish I could have been any superhero for a day or I could become numb for a day then the most awaited exam wouldnot have been a disasterThe pain of my hand was nothing compared to the pain inside.....................

OH GOD!!!

I HAVE LOST.I HAVE LOST THE BATTLE TO SOMETHING CALLED DESTINY.

Aimcat 808......a beginning.

2007-09-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

Today my AimCAT 808 was a disaster.
DI bewafa nikli aur english ne backstab kiya.Low attempts in DI lured me to attemp more in English which I did and got most of them wrong.Quants was the saviour but the horrendous duo(Eng and DI) took a toll over the little marks that cud have been scored from quants.

But this is not the end folks.This is perhaps the beginning(the wake up call).Its high time now to realise that CAT 2007 aint a easy game.The AIMCATS getting difficult each time its time for us to pull ourselves up and emerge from the ashes like a phoenix does.So get ready to kill.All the best to all of u out dere.

LONELY

2007-09-20T11:20:00.000-07:00

Lonely .....I'm so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my own.
Lonely.....I'm so lonely,
I'm Ms. Lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my own,
Lonely.....I'm so lonely,

LISTENING TO THESE LINES OF AKON I REALLY FELT LONELY......

The whole world is sleeping......its dark and silent out there.........but am sitting in front of my comp.......typing letters.......insomniac........restless........shying away from my ownself.

Its not that I am not sleepy.......just that i dont want to sleep......i dont want to give some time to myself.......cos those are the times when my loneliness bites.

So whenever i am not studying or doing anything gud.........i am sitting in front of the comp........blogging in the middle of the midnght........avoiding myself.

The world is so busy.....every one chasing their dreams.....with their own set of problems......so am I.

I cant complain.......I cant shout......I cant burst my heart out and say.......'Anybody listening???This is Rumi who needs someone to talk to.......someone to share her dreams.......someone to fight with......someone to say that I have someone'.........Why would anyone bother????why would anybody care?????After all everyone is entangled in the cobwebs of their routine life.....Nobody has a moment to spare.

I keep humming the lines again

Lonely .....I'm so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my own.
Lonely.....I'm so lonely,
I'm Ms. Lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my own,
Lonely.....I'm so lonely,

SO TRUE.........SO VERY TRUE.

Time flees

2007-09-20T09:24:00.001-07:00

I got selected among many other candidates in the interview and after 2 days I was at home with my appointment letter .I still remember the excitement........the dreams,the aspirations to make it big.....that was a time.

I started working..........though initially with many hiccups (being a complete novice to financial sector).But my determination to excel quickly changed me from a tyro to an adroit employee.My contributions were noticed and very soon I became one of the stars of the region.
Work was hectic and the pressure was enormous,still i seemed to enjoy every bit of it.

Thats life.........When things are new,out of sheer curiosity,we tend to overindulge ourselves into it in a manner that the newness is lost and the charm is evaded.Slowly we get bored with it.

Thats what happened to me.I worked,overworked and worked till all energy,all excitement,all zeal succumbed to the monotonous routine life and the overwhelming pressure.The corporate juggernaut started taling a toll on me.

I was hardworking, zealous, diligent as my colleagues and bosses called me but the fact is that a person is allured to work hard till it pays.When you find out that your hardwork can just be overlooked before the other shortcuts to success (which are very common to corporate world) you stop giving it your best.

My job was good,company was reputed,profile was alluring but the people out there were not good.Its a basket full of crabs where you have to pull somebody or your ownself down in order to rise professionally.This seemed to be one impossible thing to me.I was never ready to compromise on my scruples and so after spending a long 2.5 yrs I deciced to end the journey that I had once embarked

The journey was put to an end.........not my dreams which lay fresh in my eyes.....finding mediums to turn into reality.No sooner than I found one.This time it was a bigger challange......a challange that could make or break my life........

CAT..................the reason in my life to start afresh.

My first steps towards my dream

2007-07-31T09:24:00.000-07:00

I had set on my independent journey on 24 the January 2005 when I proudly joined ICICI Bank as my first job.It was a dream come true for a girl like me who always wanted to work.From my early days at school I remember my fierce desire to be independent,to work and earn for myself.I dont know why I caught the fancy of being a career woman from a very tender age.Though I wanted to get married but the very thought of spending my entire life being a housewife was unconvincing for me from my chilhood days.I grew up cherishing my dream and when given the opportunity I plunged it at the cost of my studies.Yes thats what i did.Being a bright student I and was performing exceptionally well in the First year of my M.Sc in Physics when came the offer.
I still remeber the day.Yes it was 6th of January.I was busy relishing a chocolate softy at the Firayalal Chowk when suddenly I got a call on my moblie.Taking the call I got to know that it was from the HR of ICICI Bank and they were calling for a written test cum interview at Kolkata.Quickly I had to jot down the address of the venue on the napkin given with my icecream cone.Though I rememberd uploading my CV casually in one of the job portals this call was certainly unexpected.It was Thursday and i had to report on Saturday so up there I was packing my bags and preparing for the first interview of my life.